She walked in to the room and it was different than the times she had walked in before. Although she felt a little vulnerable, she had an air of confidence. Confidence that was exhibited even though she hadn't become a size 6 or achieved a lofty career goal. She called them by name. She hugged. She greeted. She was herself. She was welcomed. She took her seat.
How many times have you walked in to a room and wanted to turn around and walk out? Or you immediately want to hide behind the nearest pillar or plant? How many times have you not shown up altogether? I've felt those things...done those things. I've decided I want to blend in with the wallpaper and not be seen on several occasions. But, as many of you know, there are times when I want to be seen. In fact, I want to be in the center of everything sometimes! How can I be so different?! Depending on the setting, the people, the reason for the event...I am either a wallflower or a party animal! ;)
Certainly, physical things can contribute to how I feel about an event or a happening. If I haven't slept in two nights, and my back hurts, I am less likely to walk in to a room confidently, ready for whatever I encounter. The activity itself contributes as well. I'm just not as comfortable walking in to a swanky nightspot as I am walking in to a poker game. Of course I want to do the things I enjoy...that makes it easy to go to those...but when it's something a little out of the ordinary, or a party where I won't know anyone, I have a much harder time even putting the keys in the ignition!
I do believe it's ok to figure out along the way in life that there are things you like and things you don't. And you don't have to force yourself to do the things you don't like. It's the unknown things...even the unknown people you might encounter, that I am realizing I don't want to just dismiss right away anymore. By not even showing up, I could miss out on meeting someone that just might be a beacon in my life. And what if I miss out on being that for someone else? I do think it's important to realize that every one of us has something to offer to others. We aren't all just in this for ourselves and to see what WE can get out of the deal.
So yes, the way I feel physically, or about the activity itself are big reasons for how I present myself. And how I present myself, brings about how others present themselves to me or interact with me. I realize now that if I feel like I'm invisibile, not memorable, low on the totem pole...then I am walking in already somewhat defeated and people are going to feel uncomfortable interacting with me. So even in the most uncomfortable situations, I need to walk in confident in who I am...confident that I have something to offer..and confident that I belong. The confidence still feels a little awkward, but after trying it on, I realize that with a few alterations it could actually fit pretty well. And when it fits, it should be pretty easy to sit down and take my seat just about anywhere.
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