First One

This is my first blog post in two years. My previous blog began as a weight loss journey titled Journey to a Bikini. It evolved into a much different journey and I changed the name to Journey to Contentment.  I couldn't change the URL though, (as far as I know anyway) so it will forever be journeytoabikini.blogspot.com.  I 
decided I would start fresh. Starting fresh meant a new name to forever be known as.  Let me just say, it took me a good part of the morning trying to figure that out.  So now it's thekariblog.  Not the most creative, but it's me...and I guess if there is anything my continuing journey is, well, it's just me! 

After I finally figured out what to call this, I started to think about why I was writing it.  I immediately began an explanation in my head.  Actually, it was much more a bunch of justifications.  I was feeling guilty about wanting to put thoughts and feelings out there for others to read.  Who would want to read it anyway?  And when some people read it, would they just roll their eyes and develop a not so high opinion of me?  

Justify: to provide or be a good reason for (something) : to prove or show (something) to be just, right, or reasonable (from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Why is it I feel I need to prove there is a good reason for me to write a blog?  Why is it I feel the need to prove there is a good reason for anything that I do or don't do?  You want to get a manicure? Yes, but it's because I broke a nail and it hurts and they can help repair it.  The broken nail may be true, but in reality I enjoy manicures.  And I want one.  You want to play poker tonight?  Yes, but it's because my close friend will be there and I haven't seen them in a while.  The meetup with a friend may be true, but you know what?  I love poker.  And I want to play.  You want to sit and watch tv by yourself?  Yes, but it's because I am rarely alone and can watch something I want to watch without interruption.  Again, true, but damn it...I like to watch tv.  And sometimes I just want to do it.  

(A little aside here....I'm holding back tears as I type this...One reason for writing this blog...self discovery.....)

I don't like to fall short of anyone's expectations.  I think that's why I try to justify most everything about me...because I can't meet those expectations.  I fall short every day. When I choose to engage in something for just me, I feel I should have made a different choice that would have pleased someone else more.  Perhaps writing it out and looking at my choices will help me see that I don't have to justify being me.  Come along for the ride if you want to.  I can't promise it will be thrilling or enlightening, but I can promise it will be real.  

Now I'm going to get this darn nail fixed....